This is a wonderful article! I couldn't have written it better myself! I love when a writer can put something so simply, hitting the nail on the head and I have that "Exactly!" moment!
Here is the link for anyone with fibromyalgia , anyone who suspects they have it, and employers, friends and family of people with fibromyalgia.
http://livingwithcfs.com/fibromyalgiacfs-friendship-seeing-through-invisible-illness/
By the way, I have a new painting I finished this week. I shall post it tomorrow.
I did well this week. What I did really worked. I felt "normal". The kind of energy I should always have. But yesterday I went shopping in Wal Mart and with it being the holidays more and more people were cowing around the halls. I say cowing because people tend to get in each others way in these places. Lastnight my sleep was more disturbed than usual and I got to sleep later than what I finally got myself to get to sleep at.
To sum it up? Shopping in a busy mall at Wal Mart during the holiday season triggers me! Today I was tired, soar and feeling overwhelmed by nothing. I think I hate the overwhelmed by nothing bit more than anything else. It's a feeling of really really needing nothing else but to be still, think nothing, do nothing but breathe. I did that today as much as I could but today the guilt set in some as it does for all people with fibromyalgia. I do much better when I don't allow any guilty feelings to come in. People with fibromyalgia simply need a day to do nothing or sometimes more after a day of a lot of stimuli and activity. At the mall there is just too much bright light, too many people and too many things to see. Today I simply did Tai Chi and Restorative Yoga. And a nap in the afternoon.
I played guitar a little tonight but I have found over the years that music takes more energy than any creative activity. Music is the most sensitive to the amount of energy a person has. It's why musicians have such amazing energy and why people throng to them. Music expresses the subtlest of energies in our world and the next.
But I truly had many blissful moments this week as I painted in my front room or while doing Zumba.
Over the years and this week I have learned and will share my tips with you.
1. Get to sleep by 10pm and rise at 6amish or no later than 7:30am
2. Pace yourself during a "bad day" which means no guilt, no pressure, gentle activity such as Tai Chi, Qi Gong, Restorative Yoga, hot baths, tea and nap in afternoon. Work your way up to doing short durations of cardio activity. Everyone is different. A particular form of movement will help you while it will flare symptoms with someone else. And don't knock a certain activity if it does. Simply try it in a gentler and less intense version. Pilates is beneficial once you work yourself up to it if you start gently and only for 20 minutes. Pilates works because it elongates muscles while strengthening your support systems. You will beable to walk easier and feel lighter and taller after only a few sessions! But remember start off with Gentle Yoga,Tai Chi or Qi Gong first.
3. Slowly build up your activity gradually either from day to day or week to week as you need,
4. Get Massage!
5. Have another Hot Bath!
6. Keep a diary of what creates flare ups and what works for you in what way and how. Be detailed. Use this diary to create greater quality of life and health as well as to schedule down days in bed the day after a busy day.
7. Slowly take out of your diet things that may be contributing to bad days. Such as caffeine from coffee but allow yourself a once in a blue moon treat of your favorite coffee. Mine is Just Us Espresso Blend.
8. Incorporate gentle dry skin brushing in circular motions with a natural bristle brush before bathing/showering.
9. Important! Reduce exposure to chemicals and toxins as much as possible!
10. Be particular about the scents you allow around you. Take note of any natural scents that do not bother you and the ones that do.
11. Wear shades in the sunlight.
12. Drink lots and lots of water!
13. Laugh and laughing with friends over dinner, board games and simple activities can help a lot!
14. When you are fatigued and in pain get yourself as comfortable as possible and then do nothing but breathe and be with the pain. Most often people will do something to take their mind off pain which works sometimes for most people but in specific cases such as Fibromyalgia the best thing is to be still, breathe and be with it. Oddly enough, not fighting it allows some relief.
At least these are things that I have found to help me. All of these things have helped only because I have been consistent but as with anyone with Fibro I will need to continue as best I can and allow for down days after a day or days of great activity. This can include a day in bed simply laying and breatheing, napping, favorite movies and good books.
And number fifteen and sixteen?
15. Be as vigilant as possible with your thoughts. Simply stop thinking about the things or people that make you feel guilty. Stop rehearsing what you will tell the people you know about why this, why that. Be supremely compassionate with yourself allowing yourself peace. Sometimes being vigilant with thoughts means being vigilant about who you allow around you. Some people will make you feel like you are in court being accused of a crime and can make you feel guilty for a crime that doesn't exist.
16. Meditate but do it in a position that works for you. Seated meditation can be hard on the back muscles for people with fibro, at least it has always been for me. Meditation works with the combination of knowing the technique, doing it consistently, compassion for self and others, a comfortable position while meditating and setting an intention of exploration to get to know you. This means allowing your mind to be open even as you feel pain and even as you do "nothing." It means being a compassionate witness to your experience and simply being aware of the moment with your breath. Then sometimes you can include other people in your meditation.
I have thought more on what this culture expects. The ultimate sin is being sick or taking rest. You must not be seen at any point faltering from the great ladder of achievement and success. To me or to anyone who has met with great challenges success is a day of doing what you love doing. No high marks, no flashy fame, no titles or pieces of paper. When you strip away cultural conditioning what you have left is quality of life. But there is a fear there that if people valued quality of life over everything then nothing would be done or accomplished but I don't believe that to be true. If one persons quality of life is found in retail instead of being an artist or craftsperson then there you go.To each there own. We are a very judgmental species. Very high in ethics and morale but quick to make mistakes while lacking in observing capabilities to see and feel the mistake that was done and the effects it had. It would be nice if at this point in evolution people would rise above their judgements of others and themselves. There is no need for it when it only causes more harm and damage. People aren't perfect. That very odd and sublime ideal that humans have created called "perfection" only leads to our demise. It is the reason for much of the worlds damage in Gaia and in our cultural infrastructures. Can we not put down the gun of perfection finally? Just let it go and say that the war on our mortality is off? Could we please?
Friday, December 20, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
The Phobia of Being an Independant Artist and Craftsperson
First of all I would like to share a great on-line resource that I have come across recently. I have stumbled upon quite a few others so I will share those in future posts as well. What is ravelry.com? Ravelry is a great on-line resource for people interested in all things related to fiber. There are groups you can join where you can comment or start topics of discussion, ask questions just like on the old and familiar tribe.com. You can do a multitude of other things such as explore businesses such as woolery.com. And you can keep track of your projects and track your progress. I haven't explored the site completely yet but I feel more reassured as an independent now that I am on this site. Check it out!
http://www.ravelry.com/
Now onto my big schpeel about how people tend to be afraid of being an Independent anything, especially an artist/craftsperson.
Recently I was a student at NBCCD in Fredericton NB enrolled in the Fibre Arts Program. I never handed anything in late and all of my marks were high. I even put my foot forward to be a student rep for my studio. I had big and long drawn out plans for what I was going to study at the school. Over the semester I pushed myself to do everything. Some days were harder than others. I had been experiencing this for years. Being very soar and tired and sometimes foggy brained enough that even if I really wanted to do a lot in a day, the energy just wasn't there to self motivate and organize a plan of action. This over the years always led to guilt. Of not knowing why symptoms would mysteriously appear with more stress. This wasn't just a little stress. And over the years I have started to notice a pattern developing. Of wanting to do many things but the above happening various times throughout a week. I believed that it was must me but when it got worse I chided myself for being lazy, undetermined, weak etc because anyone would say the same thing. I had blood tests taken years ago when I wanted to know why I was so tired, so thirsty, soar and why I had such a low immune system. I always caught colds. There was a span of time where it was bad enough that I was catching colds almost every week during the winter. At this time I was a student in the YTT program at TAYS in Halifax N.S. It was thoroughly confusing that my yoga practice was not strengthening my immune system and that I was very exhausted after yoga classes and teacher training.
Looking at my life I have seen many phases where I motivated myself to keep up some kind of exercise practice whether it be yoga or dance etc but would be cut short by a low immune system or by being very tired. The pain I experienced physically in all of my jobs and the other symptoms I have had including IBS makes sense. Before I thought it must be what everyone must be experiencing and I am just lazy etc. I had wondered if it was Fibromyalgia but I was never diagnosed. When I had blood tests done they did the regular search for the most obvious illnesses such as a dysfunctioning thyroid. But when they all came back fine there was no more talk about it. It seems like I have always been tired and in some kind of pain in some way. It's never easy to explain or describe to anyone. I always feel silly trying to make the reality of it known but when the words come out it just sounds like I'm making excuses.
One minute something can be very important to me and then the symptoms hit and suddenly it's all in perspective. It has always been that way. Then I get back on the horse with drive self motivation and praying for stamina to keep with it to finally see it fly, whatever it may be. Whether it's dance, music, art.
At school we were coming to the end of the semester and I was noticing that the "home-work" was getting to be more so. I had already been pushing myself through the days and weeks. I needed time to not rush, time to sit and just be, time to do yoga, time to take care of my body. I had been very good at time management because I knew I had to in order to conserve my energy and to be as productive as possible. I did this because I wanted to save myself stress, time and energy. But it was getting so my usual way of managing time and energy wasn't affording me the time I needed. Up until a few weeks ago when I had stronger symptoms come on while I was trying to push myself through to the end of a project I hadn't dared to call it Fibromyalgia. But before the year started I had worried that my energy and muscle pain would get in the way.
That night I went home with my project unfinished crying and feeling defeated. My husband wondering what had happened when I walked through the door. Suddenly everything changed. I couldn't stand not just the pain anymore but going on as if it were normal and expecting myself to just "toughen up" I looked at the courses and realized that I had already learned a lot that I could do on my own. Because after the first semester I would mostly have been on my own anyway because specific courses would be through such as spinning class. That weekend I did two tests on-line and both said I have Fibromyalgia. One was an updated test with the new protocol for diagnosing people who have it. I do not have a family doctor in this province so I did what was accessible to me. I did not believe that if I went to an after hours clinic that I would get a diagnosis or any real treatment.
At school I did pay attention and managed to keep my brain from being foggy but admittedly the pace to which we covered techniques in some of the classes overwhelmed me. And I supplemented my energy with caffeine like everyone does. At the time I didn't remember that people with fibromyalgia can be over stimulated. From what I knew about Fibromyalgia I had trouble applying it to myself that everything I was experiencing was very very similar. It's hard enough to be diagnosed. But for me it has been that I have done a lot to manage my health. Eventhough I decided years ago to treat myself as if I have Fibromyalgia I lacked the process that people have to go through in order to really deal with the illness. Acceptance was sorely missing. Without acceptance you have denial and only partial results. Not really having a complete understanding that yes this is not normal and this is why it's happening and this is what you need to continuously need to do about it. Because I have taken care of my health and have done a lot physically I have never healed myself but I have kept myself in a state where my symptoms would not be diagnosed because I was managing them. So fibro which is already a phantom illness is even more so with people who manage it. People find it hard to understand how managing Fibromyalgia is possible with yoga, exercise, sleep and diet but what is even more confusing is that there is never a formula or one size fits all approach for even that one person. Only the person themselves can really say this is how such and such effects me and this is the lifestyle I have to live, no other. From day to day, hour to hour. Time and energy is precious to everyone but even more so for someone experiencing chronic pain. Many things get put into perspective. Suddenly you see the things in your life very clearly that hurt you, drain you, dishonor you, toxify you, and all the things that are a waste of time. Including relationships, goals, belief systems, thoughts etc.
So my decision was to become Independant. I realized it was what I really wanted. To work in my studio and to create my own goals outside of a school structure. At one time I held onto going to school and making high marks and I did. I proved to myself that I could do it and I know that I can handle "the real world" To put things in perspective I know that there are many many people out there who have never stepped one foot inside an art school. And yet they are painters, fibre artists of all kinds. People in another day and age may have not had a school. My husbands grandfather for example would get his own clay at the beach! And he set up his own studio, made successful pottery, learned glazes and kiln firing techniques all without a school and living in a small rural community. And he did it at a time where there was no web-sites, no on-line shopping for books, no networking sites. So that story has been an inspiration to me.
My other reason for this choice is to save money. Though the school has a very good tuition price compared to other schools it is still a few thousand every year. So that was my other reason. I did not want to get more student loans. It is a viscous cycle where students go to school so they can get skills for trades and or more hireability but then once they are done, they have debts and can't live. And another reason was that though there is a fume hood at the school there are chemicals floating around and though there is a fume hood some people don't use it. It has been found that people with Fibromyalgia are sensitive to chemicals. But really who isn't??? Honestly?
Somehow I believed going to school would give me more credibility. It was like I had made a pact with myself that if I went to school I had more of a right to be an artist and craftsperson. Ahhh there is the guilt again! Some people make the pact with themselves that they will accept a life a poverty as long as they could do what they love and what they were born to do. I didn't see the pact i made with myself at the time but it was a pact. Most artists would say, "You're going to school and following you heart." etc. Most artists would see it as a good thing that your following your dreams. I was but at the same time there was a snag there that had a message tied to it. That I'm only worthy as an artist and craftsperson if I achieved a piece of paper and made high marks. That I wouldn't be "accomplished" without it.
So, aside from leaving art school for my physical health it was also for my health mind and spirit. Since leaving school my mind has achieved a silence, a quiet. Sometimes it gets loud but my priority is my health. My health allows me to make art and to develop my craft. So I have been extra vigilant with creating peace and health for myself. The belief that I am only worthy of being an artist if I have gone to school and made high marks no longer applies. Especially because I did it already. I went to art school and I passed everything in on time and I made high marks. Every artist needs to understand that they are just worthy being who they are and doing what they need to do just because. Just because. No pacts, no deals. That I am an artist and you are an artist whether you or the world likes it or not. Credible with or without training. There are an amazing amount of Outside Artists that create AMAZING work without ever having gone to an art school.
Yes it's scary being an artist in the real world but there are great things about it too.
1. You get to manage your own time!
2. You get to manage and create your own goals!
3. You get to develop new skills at your own pace and in your own way!
4. You get to really spread your wings and let your own unique style fly!
5. You get to see that there are a multitude of resources out there for Independents and so you are not so very alone after all.
6. You get to do and develop the skills that really matter to you rather than wasting your time and energy to fulfill a credit requirement to achieve a piece of paper!
7. You get to see that you can do it outside of school!
8. The work feeds you rather than it being a chore to achieve marks, piece of paper or to please a teacher and or parents etc
What it really boils down to is this.
Your time and energy is precious
You are a worthwhile human being worthy of love and respect with or without marks, education, money, job etc
Artists are master creators and the true masters create new rules, discard them, make new ones, ignore other ones all the time! Make the rules that create the masterpiece life!
Health, Peace, and Well Being are every living beings birthright!
My studio isn't complete but I have things to work with. I have brushes, paper, canvases, watercolors and acrylics plus texture paste, modelling paste and gesso. I have a spinning wheel but it isn't up and running. I need a few parts. I also need buckets and I need a hot plate for dyeing wool.
In the future I will be posting my practices and their results on here.
My goal is this. 10-6 am sleep
Followed by breakfast, shower/bath, meditation/chant
And then followed by a variation/ some kind of combination of a style of yoga, bellydance, zumba, pilates, tai chi, qi gong( not all in one day!)
Then rest with book
Sketching or spinning or dyeing or weaving.
Walk
Supper at 5pm
Read or hang out with friends, etc
I am hoping that by creating a balance in physical activity and health that I will achieve this productive schedule which looks pretty damn good!
My New Years Resolution before the New Year begins!
I will continue to write about Fibromyalgia and how it affects me as an artist/craftsperson as well as the things that I have found to work and the books I have found to be helpful.
http://www.ravelry.com/
Now onto my big schpeel about how people tend to be afraid of being an Independent anything, especially an artist/craftsperson.
Recently I was a student at NBCCD in Fredericton NB enrolled in the Fibre Arts Program. I never handed anything in late and all of my marks were high. I even put my foot forward to be a student rep for my studio. I had big and long drawn out plans for what I was going to study at the school. Over the semester I pushed myself to do everything. Some days were harder than others. I had been experiencing this for years. Being very soar and tired and sometimes foggy brained enough that even if I really wanted to do a lot in a day, the energy just wasn't there to self motivate and organize a plan of action. This over the years always led to guilt. Of not knowing why symptoms would mysteriously appear with more stress. This wasn't just a little stress. And over the years I have started to notice a pattern developing. Of wanting to do many things but the above happening various times throughout a week. I believed that it was must me but when it got worse I chided myself for being lazy, undetermined, weak etc because anyone would say the same thing. I had blood tests taken years ago when I wanted to know why I was so tired, so thirsty, soar and why I had such a low immune system. I always caught colds. There was a span of time where it was bad enough that I was catching colds almost every week during the winter. At this time I was a student in the YTT program at TAYS in Halifax N.S. It was thoroughly confusing that my yoga practice was not strengthening my immune system and that I was very exhausted after yoga classes and teacher training.
Looking at my life I have seen many phases where I motivated myself to keep up some kind of exercise practice whether it be yoga or dance etc but would be cut short by a low immune system or by being very tired. The pain I experienced physically in all of my jobs and the other symptoms I have had including IBS makes sense. Before I thought it must be what everyone must be experiencing and I am just lazy etc. I had wondered if it was Fibromyalgia but I was never diagnosed. When I had blood tests done they did the regular search for the most obvious illnesses such as a dysfunctioning thyroid. But when they all came back fine there was no more talk about it. It seems like I have always been tired and in some kind of pain in some way. It's never easy to explain or describe to anyone. I always feel silly trying to make the reality of it known but when the words come out it just sounds like I'm making excuses.
One minute something can be very important to me and then the symptoms hit and suddenly it's all in perspective. It has always been that way. Then I get back on the horse with drive self motivation and praying for stamina to keep with it to finally see it fly, whatever it may be. Whether it's dance, music, art.
At school we were coming to the end of the semester and I was noticing that the "home-work" was getting to be more so. I had already been pushing myself through the days and weeks. I needed time to not rush, time to sit and just be, time to do yoga, time to take care of my body. I had been very good at time management because I knew I had to in order to conserve my energy and to be as productive as possible. I did this because I wanted to save myself stress, time and energy. But it was getting so my usual way of managing time and energy wasn't affording me the time I needed. Up until a few weeks ago when I had stronger symptoms come on while I was trying to push myself through to the end of a project I hadn't dared to call it Fibromyalgia. But before the year started I had worried that my energy and muscle pain would get in the way.
That night I went home with my project unfinished crying and feeling defeated. My husband wondering what had happened when I walked through the door. Suddenly everything changed. I couldn't stand not just the pain anymore but going on as if it were normal and expecting myself to just "toughen up" I looked at the courses and realized that I had already learned a lot that I could do on my own. Because after the first semester I would mostly have been on my own anyway because specific courses would be through such as spinning class. That weekend I did two tests on-line and both said I have Fibromyalgia. One was an updated test with the new protocol for diagnosing people who have it. I do not have a family doctor in this province so I did what was accessible to me. I did not believe that if I went to an after hours clinic that I would get a diagnosis or any real treatment.
At school I did pay attention and managed to keep my brain from being foggy but admittedly the pace to which we covered techniques in some of the classes overwhelmed me. And I supplemented my energy with caffeine like everyone does. At the time I didn't remember that people with fibromyalgia can be over stimulated. From what I knew about Fibromyalgia I had trouble applying it to myself that everything I was experiencing was very very similar. It's hard enough to be diagnosed. But for me it has been that I have done a lot to manage my health. Eventhough I decided years ago to treat myself as if I have Fibromyalgia I lacked the process that people have to go through in order to really deal with the illness. Acceptance was sorely missing. Without acceptance you have denial and only partial results. Not really having a complete understanding that yes this is not normal and this is why it's happening and this is what you need to continuously need to do about it. Because I have taken care of my health and have done a lot physically I have never healed myself but I have kept myself in a state where my symptoms would not be diagnosed because I was managing them. So fibro which is already a phantom illness is even more so with people who manage it. People find it hard to understand how managing Fibromyalgia is possible with yoga, exercise, sleep and diet but what is even more confusing is that there is never a formula or one size fits all approach for even that one person. Only the person themselves can really say this is how such and such effects me and this is the lifestyle I have to live, no other. From day to day, hour to hour. Time and energy is precious to everyone but even more so for someone experiencing chronic pain. Many things get put into perspective. Suddenly you see the things in your life very clearly that hurt you, drain you, dishonor you, toxify you, and all the things that are a waste of time. Including relationships, goals, belief systems, thoughts etc.
So my decision was to become Independant. I realized it was what I really wanted. To work in my studio and to create my own goals outside of a school structure. At one time I held onto going to school and making high marks and I did. I proved to myself that I could do it and I know that I can handle "the real world" To put things in perspective I know that there are many many people out there who have never stepped one foot inside an art school. And yet they are painters, fibre artists of all kinds. People in another day and age may have not had a school. My husbands grandfather for example would get his own clay at the beach! And he set up his own studio, made successful pottery, learned glazes and kiln firing techniques all without a school and living in a small rural community. And he did it at a time where there was no web-sites, no on-line shopping for books, no networking sites. So that story has been an inspiration to me.
My other reason for this choice is to save money. Though the school has a very good tuition price compared to other schools it is still a few thousand every year. So that was my other reason. I did not want to get more student loans. It is a viscous cycle where students go to school so they can get skills for trades and or more hireability but then once they are done, they have debts and can't live. And another reason was that though there is a fume hood at the school there are chemicals floating around and though there is a fume hood some people don't use it. It has been found that people with Fibromyalgia are sensitive to chemicals. But really who isn't??? Honestly?
Somehow I believed going to school would give me more credibility. It was like I had made a pact with myself that if I went to school I had more of a right to be an artist and craftsperson. Ahhh there is the guilt again! Some people make the pact with themselves that they will accept a life a poverty as long as they could do what they love and what they were born to do. I didn't see the pact i made with myself at the time but it was a pact. Most artists would say, "You're going to school and following you heart." etc. Most artists would see it as a good thing that your following your dreams. I was but at the same time there was a snag there that had a message tied to it. That I'm only worthy as an artist and craftsperson if I achieved a piece of paper and made high marks. That I wouldn't be "accomplished" without it.
So, aside from leaving art school for my physical health it was also for my health mind and spirit. Since leaving school my mind has achieved a silence, a quiet. Sometimes it gets loud but my priority is my health. My health allows me to make art and to develop my craft. So I have been extra vigilant with creating peace and health for myself. The belief that I am only worthy of being an artist if I have gone to school and made high marks no longer applies. Especially because I did it already. I went to art school and I passed everything in on time and I made high marks. Every artist needs to understand that they are just worthy being who they are and doing what they need to do just because. Just because. No pacts, no deals. That I am an artist and you are an artist whether you or the world likes it or not. Credible with or without training. There are an amazing amount of Outside Artists that create AMAZING work without ever having gone to an art school.
Yes it's scary being an artist in the real world but there are great things about it too.
1. You get to manage your own time!
2. You get to manage and create your own goals!
3. You get to develop new skills at your own pace and in your own way!
4. You get to really spread your wings and let your own unique style fly!
5. You get to see that there are a multitude of resources out there for Independents and so you are not so very alone after all.
6. You get to do and develop the skills that really matter to you rather than wasting your time and energy to fulfill a credit requirement to achieve a piece of paper!
7. You get to see that you can do it outside of school!
8. The work feeds you rather than it being a chore to achieve marks, piece of paper or to please a teacher and or parents etc
What it really boils down to is this.
Your time and energy is precious
You are a worthwhile human being worthy of love and respect with or without marks, education, money, job etc
Artists are master creators and the true masters create new rules, discard them, make new ones, ignore other ones all the time! Make the rules that create the masterpiece life!
Health, Peace, and Well Being are every living beings birthright!
My studio isn't complete but I have things to work with. I have brushes, paper, canvases, watercolors and acrylics plus texture paste, modelling paste and gesso. I have a spinning wheel but it isn't up and running. I need a few parts. I also need buckets and I need a hot plate for dyeing wool.
In the future I will be posting my practices and their results on here.
My goal is this. 10-6 am sleep
Followed by breakfast, shower/bath, meditation/chant
And then followed by a variation/ some kind of combination of a style of yoga, bellydance, zumba, pilates, tai chi, qi gong( not all in one day!)
Then rest with book
Sketching or spinning or dyeing or weaving.
Walk
Supper at 5pm
Read or hang out with friends, etc
I am hoping that by creating a balance in physical activity and health that I will achieve this productive schedule which looks pretty damn good!
My New Years Resolution before the New Year begins!
I will continue to write about Fibromyalgia and how it affects me as an artist/craftsperson as well as the things that I have found to work and the books I have found to be helpful.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)