2014 The Year of Rebirth aka The Phoenix

As the year ages towards Autumn I've come to realize what 2014 has come to be about for me. It's about digging up old dreams that have been lost along the way for whatever reason and breathing new life into them while keeping other dreams alive that are in waiting. It's a little overwhelming to say the least.

One dream was to paint abstracts and sell them. Another dream that got lost in the ruff was teaching bellydance and developing my skills in American Tribal Style. The third was teaching yoga and belly dance again. The fourth which I am holding onto which has suffered loss over the past year is spinning wool. The fifth is one of the very oldest dreams I've had which is to develop as a vocalist and guitar player to one day make my own music and perform with a band. I never really let go of any of them but they did get a little buried through the years. It does happen to the best of us.

Everyday I take time to make these a priority and all of them take time. Some days not all of them get time. Spinning wool won't happen until I can afford myself the spinning wheel on my wishlist. But it's on my mind as a priority. The biggest challenge is time managing all of them into my life and not being overwhelmed by the aspects of cost and marketing. I just keep telling myself one thing at a time and I tell myself to have "tunnel vision" while I am doing anything. That all that exists in that moment is me and whatever I'm doing. I also have been playing around with writing out schedules for myself to make sure time is made to develop my dreams.

A big distraction is beautiful sunny days and wanting to spend time outside. There have been plenty of sunny days where I stayed inside to practice but sunny days beckon me away from introverted practice. So I actually like it when it rains.

Anyway, you might try to choose your dreams but they choose you. And they will overwhelm you. Though you know that they all take stupendous amounts of time and energy they still call you. If you listen closely how can you say no? You surrender and say "I will build this."

And so mote it be.

Stay tuned for pictures of my upcoming abstract series!

The Power of Listening To Yourself

It has been awhile since I wrote last. Few blog writers write every single day. The past month has been a lot of change. Not just outer but more inner.

It was very hard for me to let go of old ideas for a long time. Ideas that I had put a lot of thought and energy into. One of those things was the idea of being an independent craftsperson whether as a fibre artist or ceramic. It is true that I could do either of those things and do well with them if I had the space and the money for start up costs. Some may think that my letting it go is a result of a "creative block" But I'm not so sure it is.

Instead I see it as having been a distraction and creative block to what has always been most important to me. A dream that has never gone away. I've stamped on it for over a decade and tried willfully to bring it to life over the years. I tried to channel my creativity, talent and intelligence into a craft or crafts that would be more practical where it had more chance of being something I could make some kind of living at. But it was a distraction. A huge distraction. And I added more and more ideas believing I had to in order to make a living as a craftsperson rather than focusing on one. But I never knew how I would ever have enough time to develop any of them if they were all being diluted by each other. Being in the financial situation I am in my choice was to let go of my knitting machine and loom plus wool and other supplies I had gathered. But it was never in my mind to sell either of my guitars. I barely considered selling my keyboard.

And there you have it. The dream that I have always had and would never let go of no matter how much I tried to distract myself or to channel the creative energy I have into something else. I read Julia Cameron's books The Artist Way and while I agree with letting yourself be free and believe you can do whatever you want to I believe in editing. I believe in being committed to what you love the most and sticking with it to see it through. I believe in being realistic about our time and energy. That it takes incredible amounts of time and energy to see anything of your own fly. Anything of your own, meaning, your specific talent and passion.

We live in a society where more is better. And not only that but we all want to be major egg heads knowing everything and being able to do everything. But this comes at a cost that we normally don't see. The cost is that everything we do is diluted. Which means that our special creative energies and talents, our passion and humanity is diluted in the process of being all things to all people. A multi functional robot that can pride itself on being more capable in every way than all of the Joneses.The thing is that it isn't very intelligent to dilute your intelligence across the spectrum. There is only so many hours in the day. There is only so much energy that you have. There are your relationships, friends, family, significant other. There is money to think about to. If your going into debt not just because you love learning but because your not happy with yourself as you are making something work over the long term then that is a problem. More skills, more tricks up the sleeve. We chronically believe nothing is ever enough.

My other reasons for stamping on my dream of being a musician and painter for years was that my favorite musicians and artists all came to a horrible and terrifying end. I am not them but yet I could see myself in them because I could relate to their lyrics, their expression, the emotion behind their voice and art form. I always thought that if I followed my dream that it would mean going into a crazy world and not coming out alive. So I did everything to avoid it. I took on other dreams and goals and I tried on different spiritual belief systems But now I'm at ground zero. Right where I started in the beginning and it's not such a bad place when on you know that ground zero is about authenticity. Sometimes it takes a lot of hardship to get you face to face with yourself, your roots and what you are really about. To finally drop the trying on everything for size. This month I gave up those spiritual disciplines I had taken on to save myself from the ugly and horrific places I came from. They separated me from associating myself from where I came from but at the same time they didn't help me to achieve yoga or unity with myself. I became fragmented and spreading my energy out over many choices and ideas. I gave up Buddhism, Sikhism and Hindu ideas. There are some things that remain. I still believe in vinyasa yoga, restorative yoga, gentle yoga, meditation and there are still parts of me that will always relate to Buddhism, Sikhism and the Hindu Faith. . A lot of it felt like things I 'should' be doing. And that if I didn't then I'd be a lost soul. But I always believed that God doesn't really care whether or not you let your hair grow or shave it off. God/Goddess doesn't even take it personally if you don't believe in God/Goddess.

I'm back with my roots. Music, poetry, painting and wicca/shamanism.

Every artist of any kind has to learn to say these words.

I'm me and there's nothing wrong with that.

Things you Can Do to Protect Your On-line Images of your ART

I happened upon this site when I googled " when people grab your photo from facebook and put it on their web-site". I used to have a regular facebook page like the ones used for personal use that nearly everyone on the planet has. I googled myself to see what would come up and behold a picture of me came up that was not linked with one of my sites or blogs and was a picture I did not give anyone permission to use. It's just a picture of me in an 80s Gem/Misfits like costume I had taken before going out to an 80's retro event on Halloween one year and a pic I had as my profile pic on Facebook for awhile. So I googled "when people grab your photo from facebook and put it on their web-site" and found this article on skinnyartist. A great site by the way if you haven't happened upon it already. I had thought of looking into watermarking but I wondered if even that protect an image and I was right. Check out the article for an example of how a persons watermarked original image was taken and used on a t-shirt unlicensed. Do your research and home-work people! I know I am!


http://skinnyartist.com/stop-stealing-my-images/

The Art of Generosity

This is a blog to follow up on the blog I did on The Art of Frugality. Even when I need and have to be frugal I am not very frugal with myself. It's pretty important especially if your going through a difficult time for whatever reason.

So what is the art of generosity towards yourself?

Find pleasure in the small things like.....

Fuzzy warm purring companions
Friends
Tea, Coffee or Hot Chocolate
A quiet moment or hours alone
A hot bath
A walk and sit in the park
Sweaters, socks, hats, leg warmers, and mittens
Reading a favorite book
Goalless sketching and art making
A hot oven or a warm floor heater
Cuddles with your life mate
Trance Dance
Chanting/Communion with God/Goddess
Watching snow flakes fall from the sky and the crunch of snow beneath your feet
Watching sun sets and or sun rise
Watching paynes grey clouds in the sky
Watching rain patter in puddles
A few bites of your favorite kind of chocolate melted in your mouth with tea or coffee
Listening to your favorite music anytime while doing anything or nothing
Playing your favorite board games with friends or games such as tetris
Playing your favorite instrument/instruments
Savoring space, stillness and silence with each breath
Watching a painting come together, savoring each brushstroke of texture and color
Allowing the mind space to wander to formulate poems in a special writing book of poems
Burning incense
Savoring a glass of wine, a mug of dark beer or a glass of Bushmills
Finding inspirational and motivational articles, blogs and youtube videos
Laughing, being silly and making other people really laugh
Finding comfort in the sentence "This too shall pass" and "Keep going"

These are a few of my favorite things.....

The Small Actions Count, The Art of Friendship and True Freedom

This culture prides itself on thinking big, doing big, living big and it's all so each human being can mistakenly feel larger than life. But this is an illusion. Maybe to some people ignorance is bliss.

But for anyone who ever achieves their own ideal of success it is the small actions that count.

So what do I mean by that?

It's the artist that takes five minutes at least to sketch rather than waiting for a big and grand inspiration to come.

It's the musician that plays the instruments or sings for the love of the experience it brings rather than for the fame.

It's the dancer that immerses herself/himself in the dance whether anyone is looking or not.

The trait is to be unself-conscious because this means that the real art can come through. And that the experience is of more value than a large name or personality known world wide.

The small actions always count in our day to day lives. Small actions always have the effect of enhancing life.

If you smile and acknowledge a person who is homeless and give them a dollar or two which is worth so much more to them than it is worth to you.

If you take the time to understand another persons situation leaving all tendencies to analyze and be superior behind. But to truly connect with another human being.

All of these small actions unseen been anyone other than yourself and the other person are huge and make all the difference.

Small actions take us outside of ourselves. They teach us to be human and to relate to others as human. They remind us of the value of experience and of life rather than the greedy grasping of titles, status and stations. Titles, status and stations work to separate a person or an organization from their environment and from the people they are interacting with. They make people forget that they are human and that they are mortal.

Small actions add up but even without adding them up to something worth acknowledging in the larger culture they are still bigger than any petty and vain goal.

A person should consider themselves worth more than the number that exists in their bank account, the equity they own, the clothes they wear, the crowd they hang out with, the names and businesses they are affiliated with. And a person should be valued not as much for what they "do" and "what they are good for". People need to think more about what they can bring to an interaction rather than constantly sizing everyone up as either being not good enough or good enough for their time when they themselves fall well below the mark.

People interrupt you, they talk over you, they don't listen, they judge, they look down, they don't take the time, they get stuck in their own huge problems which aren't so big to really distract them from being there for someone else. Instead of using any of our experiences to connect with others we use it as an excuse to disconnect.

The small actions of listening and forgetting yourself for a bit compared to interrupting or talking over someone matter. With all of us reaching for fame and some form of status and respectability it's usually our first priority to not listen but to yap about all that we do, all that we know or all of who we know.

This isn't the same as talking about things that you love and are passionate about, especially if someone asks and especially if there is room for some back and forth conversation to happen.

Artists like anyone have suffering egos in a culture where your nothing unless you shout loud enough to silence everyone around you with your innate and monumental awesomeness.

Believe me, you'll be a lot happier letting it go. If you can value yourself regardless of status, numbers etc, everything is so much better. Not only will you enjoy what you love doing a whole lot more, you'll feel like you are really free, like you are really living. There is really nothing holding you to achieve any kind of fame or status in society no matter what it is you do or wish to do. If your doing it because people you know won't respect you anymore you may be right, but then, does that matter?

The thing about valuing yourself as a human being first and foremost is that the value of you comes from you, not from anyone else who has the power to snobbishly lift you up or asphyxiate you according to the fad of the day.

It still hurts to be snobbishly judged by cold things gallivanting around as humans sometimes but they will find something to judge you for anyway even if you are busting your ass to meet one standard they hold dear to their empty hearts.

So why keep busting your ass to meet the impossible standards of someone who cares nothing about who you are or your REAL worth as a human being? Is it worth it?

Not really.

Live your life elegantly with your own design in mind.

Your life should be your own work of art.

Not another persons horrific tragedy.

These kind of people never went for what they wanted and have lived their whole lives living in bondage to ideals that made them shrill, sour and ugly. For all of their hard work and cult like following everyone else must follow in kind in order for them to feel cozy in the crypt. If someone doesn't ascribe to it they can simply look down, way down at you and write you off when your presence rocks their safe and frigid world.

It doesn't matter.

Walk away with dignity because people like that can't give it to you or hold it away.

Paint with dignity, dance with true freedom, and sing who you are.

And here is a great link to an article about not caring what people think.

http://30sleeps.com/blog/2007/09/12/how-to-not-care-what-other-people-think/

The Art of Frugality

So I haven't posted a pic of the painting I did a few weeks back and I haven't started on any new projects. Why?
1. Holidays are distracting.
2. Financial issues are distracting
3. Hard decisions to make are distracting

People can say that there is no excuse for not being a productive artist and in most situations I would agree. But in this particular situation alot of thinking and discussing and planning has had to go on.
First decision was how are we going to get rid of debt before EI runs out at the end of next year?

Yes I'm airing my dirty laundry because when your an artist it's not like you can go off skipping off into lala land with your yarn and your wool and your paints. There are a lot of decisions I have had to make and still some I am considering.

My first decision was to not get any parts for the spinning wheel I have and then I decided that I would take all of the money that I got back from leaving school would go towards getting rid of a card because that would mean saving approx $69 a month.I had gone back and forth on if I was getting parts or selling the wheel I have and I have decided to sell the wheel.

Second decision after this was turning off the heat in our apartment during the very coldest time of the winter here in Fredericton N.B. With the heater off and living in a small room with an electric heater and floor heater most of the time, keeping our cats and our bunny rabbit in the room to stay warm. Our apartment runs on ventilated heat with some rooms being controlled by electric heat. Luckily the bedroom heater has a controlled dial switch on it rather than for the whole apartment.

Third decision was to sell some of the supplies I got from the store at the school which I thought I would make use of. But at this point it will sit there because I only have part of what I need. The other issue is that all money should go towards expenses and debts etc rather than a bundle of yarn or two for a small project. As an artist there are start up costs.

Fourth decision was to not have prints or greeting cards done up of my work at a local business because that means money. Again start up costs.

Fifth decision I have yet to make. Do I sell my beautiful loom, my warping board, my books that came with them, the knitting machine, the extra parts and the books that came with them.

I am mostly leaning towards selling them.

But I will never sell the two guitars that I own! Not ever!

Most books written by artists and for artists are trying to teach artists how to be less frugal with themselves because making art of any kind is not seen as a necessity in this day and age. And whatever is not a necessity is a waste of time or perhaps a gluttonous sin. But those books are for artists that have everything they possibly need except their own permission to be an artist in order to do what they wish. Those books aren't for me because I give myself permission to do all of the things I wish, that I am good at and have an intelligence for but I do not have the means and I cannot trust that there is no end of the line waiting for me in the semi near distant future.

Artists can be purely logical and intelligent to make those kinds of decisions. It is a myth that artists are completely indulgent and so indulgent to the point that they can't see beyond the end of their paintbrush or studio. I have always known that homelessness is a very true reality to anyone including me. I am not and cannot be ignorant of reality, especially not with my yogic training.

So if your an artist scraping by like so many people are these days, whether they choose to be artists or not, do what you can and take comfort in the fact that this won't be a permanent situation as long as you are very very smart. You may have to make some sad decisions like I have. I will be sad to see my store of wool disappear out the door but I can get more someday and I can get a spinning wheel in the future. In the meantime I can still develop as a painter and drawer. And I can still post them here. That is what I have available to me.There are dozens of techniques and styles and I am not opposed to any of them. Abstract and real. It's all abstract and it's all real.

Intelligence is a choice in the game of life.

Use it before it's too late!